Learning to be covert

to cover up and camouflage

to 'mask'

is a SKILL.

It's the SKILL of:

opening doors that were not designed for you to enter
cracking the social entry code
scripting the self that gets (and then has to work to keep) the job
fitting in with what doesn't work, and having no one notice that effort
squashing the experiences you are actually having
storing energy intensity for later
confusion and self doubt as strategies, distrusting impulses that lead to more social risk
centring the comfort of someone who is already more comfortable than you
code switching, appeasing and the distancing tool of professionalism
rushing and crashing, hustling and pushing through
holding back, and staying in the limitless possible of "one day when I ___, then I ___"
muscling your way until that time;

Its the SKILL of surviving 
the systemic eclipsing
of what is innate, true, and emergent in you,
that has been
CONSISTENTLY
under-seen, under-valued, and under-resourced.

I know you know all this already
but it bears repeating that:
this is not a personal failing
or even *about* you

but is about a SKILL you learned, 
to survive. 

A SKILL that is USEFUL. Valuable. and NOT one we want to get rid of,
until the world meets us with the tools to thrive.

But between you and me:
I don't want to wait
because I don't believe that world is coming 
by itself. 

There are things I want to BE, and DO, and experience and CREATE
~freedoms~
that require me to give up the wait
and take a more direct route
to what I want. 

But here's the other thing:

My experience
with trying to take a more direct route
was that 
the SKILL of masking
was the only known strategy;
the one my body repeatedly offered up as the 'HOW'. 

And so the "direct route" led me down a loop
of self doubt, confusion, distrusting my impulses
and fear of the social fallout;

of one foot forward and ten steps back.
Analysing every step to check "is it working"
and working myself into exhaustion from all the work

of not going all in.

When you have used the SKILL of masking a LOT

(neural pathways you have strengthened into automation)

it can feels like masking happens TO you.

When you've never had the social safety
to DEVIATE from the self-doubting disconnection
that masking involves

you don't actually PERCEIVE any other route to take. 

And you mistake the INCREASE 
in masking strategies offered by your own body

(the self-doubting self-disconnection, imposter syndrome, freeze-flight)

and the CONFRONTATION
with all the reasons Why Not

as proof of
what you really want
NOT being available
to YOU.

The sum total IMPACT of all this
forward-backward motion
is repeated failed attempts
that only serve to 
RE-CONFIRM
the (false) belief that

the problem is in YOU
and *about* you

- a personality
- a trait
- a destiny
- an IDENTITY

This is why
when I am COACHING people through a process
of radical change
in their LIFE trajectory and experience of WHO they are

the FOCUS

is on the SKILLSET
of 
'UNMASKING'
as:
IDENTITY transformation,
first.

AND

why I offer a dedicated
RELATIONAL ENVIRONMENT
for the EXPERIENCE of relationship(s) that is NOT dependent on you masking (or unmasking)
but designed to support you:

BEING in the experiences you are actually having
finding your true boundaries, sourcing self-belief from inside, and 
and sensing into
clarifying:
your future/inner SELF as indicated by your
TRUEST desires.

The SKILLSETS
for unwinding the strategies of survival
AND
moving towards what you want 
(knowing what that even is),
centring YOU in your own life

AND recognising 
the INCREASE in masking strategies
and the INCREASE in disbelief
are actually just 
you flushing to the surface
the internalisation
of the systemic.

This transformation 
means you are
PERCEIVING other options beyond the past strategies 

PERCEIVING a self beyond your past

keeping the skillset of masking
(for when you WANT to use it)
while ADDING NEW OPTIONS
by ADDING NEW SKILLS
meaning that masking is no longer automatic. 

Slowing down 
to notice the 
FALSE BELIEFS
FALSE BOUNDARIES
and unworkable structures
and unravel them.

THIS is the SKILL
of re-wiring your relationship
to that INCREASED social risk
and to
the UNKNOWN consequences of trusting yourself more deeply
and the self doubt
and reasons why not
as PROOF you are on track
instead of proof you need to hold back.

You aren't meant TO FIT IN
but to CREATE

There is one more piece:

The SKILL of personal power 

The unravelling and unlearning
of the systemic 
is not a one-and-done

because the sources still exist.
The people around you still replicate them.
The structures that are a given, still don't fit.

The SKILL of personal power
is the skill of being able to TAKE UP ALL THE SPACE in your own:

nervous system
focus
thoughts
feelings
actions

AND have them be aligned with both
WHO YOU ARE
and
WHAT YOU WANT.

These are the simple habits and rituals of recognising the deeper seated beliefs that are in your way
and
creating enough tangible real world EVIDENCE to let them go
because you have newer, better experiences
and a new better belief system available.

I teach these SKILLS
inside of my program FLAREHOUSE

This is WHY those I coach make LASTING change
and CULTURE change.

This is not adhd life hacks
or the sentiment of autism acceptance
or reasonable adjustments to the status quo
or getting better at producing for shareholder capitalism;

this is not about better adapting for others;

This is:

YOU becoming the version of you that can
CARVE new cultural realities in your life and work
BY BECOMING
yourself.

This is the decision to finally create the evidence that

to BE YOURSELF = HOW

To REALISE the potent world-changing culture and value
seeded in you

and have that value
be SEEN, recognised, compensated

valued.