Episode 12: When goals become demands (the body as instrument)

Aug 10, 2022



Hello, siblings. Welcome to the sensory siblings podcast. I'm your host, Louisa Shaeri. And this is beaming to you from The SOLA System, the liberatory framework and 'unmasking unschool' for creatively identified autistic folks who were seeking another way to see, know and be yourself. This is a radical reimagining of what's possible when we redefine ourselves from within, by unlearning who we are not, making self connection, our goal, activating the languages of our sensory oriented perception, and creating the culture shifts to activate futures and selves. It all starts within

Hello, sibling, how are you? It's been a little while since I've published a podcast episode, I've had to slow down and process and be where I'm at. And this ties into what I want to talk about. For me, though, this is like allowing myself to feel a lot of emotions, to just be where I'm at to process my existing circumstances and what life is right now. And catch up to it in a way because a lot of what I am finding that I'm needing to process is the last few years. And how it must be that my, my body is beginning to trust that the pandemic restrictions are lifted. And all of the time and energy pressures of trying to work while homeschooling and all of that, only now my body's trusting that that is

not coming back, at least for now. And allowing me to process all of that. And also all of what I've been doing in the pandemic and since a little bit before, which is The SOLA system, all of which for a long while was a future vision.

And now it's real. And it's only now that my my body, my identity is releasing past ideas of myself processing all of what that's been, and coming into the present at a deeper level. I can say all this now. But I want to share with you what was happening on the surface, which was that I was trying to move ahead, I was trying to get stuff down, I was trying to focus on what I'm trying to create. And then my body was saying no,

because my body needed me to stop and be where I'm at first, to feel all the emotions of right now.

And those emotions were under the surface, and were uncomfortable and

big. And I was trying to get out of feeling them by focusing on the future and by inventing problems to solve in order to try and solve away the feeling instead of just feeling the feelings.

So yes, what I want to talk about today is connected to this.


it's really about making a distinction between those two, right making distinction between when you need to process where you are at in the present reality. So coming into

alignment with what is true for you right now, processing your existing reality, versus when you are in the work of generating an intentional future reality. And when I'm talking about reality, I am meaning. If you go back to a previous podcast where I talked about models of reality, that's really what I'm talking about. It's everything that you're experiencing, both the circumstances, the sensations, the emotions that are happening to you or happening in you.

But it's also then how you make sense of and encode and think about and make meaning on those experiences in ways that then determine how you feel about them and then what you do and how you essentially be. So if you haven't listened to that one, I'd go back and in fact, if you aren't listening to this podcast from episode one

chronologically, I would recommend you do that. So start at Episode One and work your way through. And that will mean that more a lot of what I'm going to say in this episode makes more sense, I'm going to build on some of the concepts that I've already shared, one of them being models of reality, okay. And so making the distinction between where you're at, and where you want to go, is making a distinction between two models of reality. And therefore creating change in your life is that it's changing. It's going from one model of reality that you're processing, and attuning and aligning into a tuning and aligning yourself with a future model of reality.


so I'm going to offer this today as a way to think about goals. That

means that you can actually set goals and they happen.

Because a goal essentially isn't is an intentional future model of reality that you are learning how to embody that you are becoming the person who has that goal done.

flow state is a really good feeling, right?

It's rapt attention, it's total absorption, the actions just flow, you're one with the doing.

But often for some of us going after goals, somehow we set we identify a goal,

but then the goal becomes a demand, it starts to feel like the opposite of flow, okay. So,

a goal

becomes this external set of action steps, it becomes a to do list, it becomes an obligation, it becomes a should.

And I want to offer that. The reason that that happens, is because we are taught that goals, how you get a goal is through taking action.

But thinking of a goal, as a list of actions, or a set of things that you need to go and do

doesn't account for how much of an embodied energetic and identity shift is involved in transitioning from the current present to you are adjusted to and processed and attuned to in your nervous system.

And that future reality that is inevitably going to be different.

You are here

and you're in your present. But your goal, if it's externalised as actions, then it's over there somewhere it's over there the other side of a bunch of doing.

And so your nervous system being adjusted to here.

When you try and reach over there to those actions, over there feels very far away. Right? It feels inaccessible, it feels like

something that your nervous system is not able to take on.

Right, because you're adapted and adjusted to here.

So in its infinite wisdom,

you are suggesting that there are these actions that you need to do in order to reach that goal.

But your nervous system knows that in order to overcome or it's presently adjusted to, you would have to use discipline to overcome your nervous system in order to go and do those things over there. Which is how you how you burn out, right? So your goals feel like disconnection, the actions feel impossible. And you feel in it right? You get stuck in resisting over there. And you end up staying right here. And inaction in inertia.

And therefore,

you distrust your own word when you try and set any goal, right? So you stop setting goals.

And so you end up stuck in inaction, inertia, and in resistance to doing the things that you maybe actually do want to do.

But your nervous system isn't there yet.

So today, I really want to give you a reframe, and a way of reconfiguring your relationship to goals. So that that is not your experience. So the reasons that I would offer

For ye taking actions towards your goals has been hard in the past

is that it's because we define them as actions. We define them as something that you go and do.

I'm going to go deeper into this. But first, I want to say that going towards goals has been hard in the past, not because you're bad at executive function.

And I know that's a controversial statement. It's not because you're bad at life. It's not because you're destined to fail,

or anything about you.

I would offer it's because we're taught that getting goals equals actions, that how you go and make something happen is in the doing.

And so I would offer that flow state towards your goals comes from a commitment to the being the becoming the person who has the goal done.

Okay, so a commitment to that future model of reality that you intend to embody commitment, meaning conviction, meaning belief, meaning, that is true, that is already real. And I'm just allowing it to unfold.

So commitment to a goal that requires you to become new, that will result in a higher level of intention or change, both internally and externally. That kind of goal, one that represents growth, and then the commitment to that future reality that future self who is already experiencing the goal being done.

That is what leads to flow state. And that is something that you do in your body. First, it's something that you do in your nervous system. First,

actions flow, when you are already identified with and connected to, who you're becoming, and the goal being done.

This is why

I don't know if you're someone who you experience a deadline or goal as something that you procrastinate and avoid until the very last minute, and then you do enormous amounts of massive action at the end to get it done.

And I would offer that because the closer you get to the deadline, the more real the result of the goal being done, feels. So all of that time leading up, you're in your present reality. And the girl being done, that reality feels really far away in your nervous system. The sooner you get, the closer you get to that deadline, the more you can connect with it being done in your nervous system. And as soon as you connect with it, that is when the actions follow suit.

That is when the

actions flow

in ways that are allowing you to stay in self connection rather than disconnect from where your nervous system is now. This is coming from the second orbit in the solar system. So the solar system, as you know, is it's an invented made up framework for really containing and understanding the what's involved in a process of self becoming and unmasking unmasking is just self becoming, it's just growing into more of yourself, right. So this is a framework for that process. But through the lens of activating what is in use are activating the emergent felt potential possibilities within you that have previously been

under recognised under appreciated, unseen and under supported, right. So it's activating all of that the minimum that you get from The SOLA System materials and the first orbit so the first three months is those first nine planets, right? What you get from that is the skill set of knowing exactly how to see a know and be yourself. So illuminating those traits that have been systemically eclipsed clarity on what to focus on, how to think about becoming more of who you are, and how to

receive and learn and meet the lessons and growth that is

Always being offered up to you by this thing we called life. So that's the minimal, knowing how to see and know and define your differences for yourself. That's the first orbit. That's the initial journey through the nine planets in the solar system, that you no longer have to question who you are, or how to solve for visibility and energy and having agency. So you have the map, you have the constellation of tools and ideas. And the journey is clear. And you understand the how.

And this is really about the skill set of being where you're at, acknowledging the barriers that you've faced, acknowledging and embracing, and having language for how you experience the world differently to the fiction of normal, being with the fact that you have no idea who you are, and really understanding that that's exactly the best place to be.

That's how you start being and the becoming of self. The second orbit, which is months three to six in The SOLA System, is about the application. It's about the deepening of that. So in other words, that distinction I made at the beginning of this episode between knowing where you're at versus knowing how to process who you're becoming.

Those are,

those two parts are the two orbits that you'll travel if you join The SOLA System. So the second orbit is about that change. It's about going where you are going. So how do you create that change? How do you move from where you're at? Now that you've finally arrived?

towards what you actually want to create in the world? What do you actually want to do? What experiences do you want to have? If you get to craft your life? What would it look like? So obit two is about, okay, now you get to work. Now you apply the skill set of processing, where you're at, and the skill set of being

towards and you reapply it, you kind of re you recapitulate that into the skill set of becoming the person who has the golden, right of becoming who you are becoming, embodying the models of reality that you intend in your future.

And so the reason to set a goal and the reason I have siblings set goal in the second half, is because

that it means that you're making a commitment to

a possibility that you sense and feel inside you,

as a nudge as a pull to create as something that is inviting you into more of yourself inviting you into a new relationship with yourself and the universe. As they both unfold together at the same time.

That goal then becomes a vehicle for your growth. So the point of the goal is not the goal itself. The point is who you become along the way. And when you make that commitment,

then that is what brings up all of the stuff that is in your way. All of the feelings are the thoughts around being visible, doing new things, what other people might think, or how they might react to you being

more self assured beginning to direct your life with a new level of self assurance, what that self assurance looks like, emotionally, is kind of messy and nonlinear. And it's you being terrified.

So obit one is all about being who you are. It's about embodying a model of reality and interpretation of yourself and your circumstances and your experiences in ways that really help you to have a sense of energy and agency to see yourself to know yourself and ultimately be yourself. So it's all about being who you are and where you're at right now. Orbit two

re-applies that those skills of being where you're at, towards becoming

the person who embodies the model of reality of where you want to go. In other words person becoming the person who has the goal done.

So that is a bit too. So I'm going to break this down in a way that helps you think about these two orbits in

Your own journey. And yeah, this concept that is at the heart of The SOLA System, which is that there are these two loops being where you are being where you are, and then moving to where you want to be. And that these two things we do,

inside and with

the instrument that is our body, mind, we do it with our body,

which is an instrument of energy. Okay, so

this might be a bit rude out there, but I want to ground it in practicality.

Your body is how you process the energy of right now your existing relatives. So

if you think about the sensations and emotions that you experience as energy moving through you,

and then you can encode and filter and make sense of and give meaning to those experiences in a specific way. That then determines how you feel and therefore the energy of a specific reality, that you are embodying that you're being okay.

And then generating, so going towards a goal. If we think about it as generating a future, energetic state of future reality,

then you can see how both realities have a specific energy and as you embody, you also express it. And so the skill set of being yourself

is the skill set of a tuning your body to the reality that is true for you to the energetic

state, that is true for you.

And you can also reapply that skill set

to creating and generating a future desired reality that you also want to be true.

So my thoughts, my feelings and sensations are all aligning with what is true and real unconscious. For me, how you generate a future reality is that you experience it ahead of time, as if it's real.

That level of commitment means that the actions towards your goal

occur to you like you have the ideas for what to do from that state of being in that future reality. And that means that your intuition for how you get there, comes online, you can access it in the now.

And so just like you need time to transition between tasks, or different things you're doing in the day to day,

I would offer that you can also apply that to thinking about your goals, as transitioning ahead of time in your nervous system, into that future reality being true. And where you do that is in your body.

So how you go about your goal is not through actions or not through focusing on the actions. But through focus, focusing on who you are being

an intentional future reality often starts as this internal felt possibility. It's one that sourced in self connection, right? So committing to that seeded possibility as a future reality that you can connect with as if it's real.

What that does is it unlocks the curiosity, the sense of purpose, the intuition for the next step. It maintains that soft connection and that self trust, and then that actions that occur to you to take in that state with that connection to your future self. Reinforce that connection.

So that that self connection,

and all of that curiosity, that sense of purpose, that intuition, that trust,

are all the internally rewarding states, if we keep following it, release those good chemicals that start to build momentum and that create flow that create flow state.

So if you are conceiving of connecting with your goal, as a future reality that you're believing now

and you are adjusting in your nervous system,

as then you're generating a feeling of what that would feel like as if it's true

and you'll connect

Did with who does that version of me? Who is that version of me? What are they thinking? And how would they guide me in the now

then you are able to take actions from a state of connection with that. So you're processing it ahead of time. And that allows you to move into action in ways that read retains self connection. So orbit one is about the skill set of processing and making sense of your lived experiences, the tuning your current interpretation of it, in ways that support you into being who you are right now. Orbit Two is where we apply this forward, that same skill set, but applied to processing your future reality ahead of time. So that you're thinking, you're feeling feelings that you're generating in your body, because you're committing to that being true and real ahead of time. And therefore your actions flow from that.

All of that means that you are doing from a state of connection to your future self, a state of future self connection.

So being is embodying the model of reality that's true for you right now, becoming, is embodying the future model reality of reality,

as if it's already true, and that as if is the commitment that leads to flow state in your actions.

So another problem is that we are taught not to believe our own body, and not to believe the experiences we're actually having. We're taught to ignore them to suppress them, that becomes a habitual way of being.

And what that means is that you're not using, you're not taking up the full bandwidth of the instrument that is your body.

Which means that you not only get to

allow an admit and be aware of and cognizant of

what is truly not working.

It also means that you don't get to connect with and sense and feel the insights and

emergent knowings that come from within you. But you also don't get to generate

a reality and get to materialise it. One that supports you one that is intentional one that you want. And this is an extra layer to why resisting political control over our bodies over our minds over our thinking is so key. Because

it literally determines what realities get to be materialised.

The material tangible realisation of that future, reality happens last right? That comes last. It comes when we've practised and believed and acted from commitment and conviction in it for long enough.

So your body mind is the source of your political resistance. It's the source of sensed and felt possibilities seated in you. And

believing your body believing your current reality and also believing those possibilities that you are being nudged and invited into.

Both of those things are things that you get to decide to do that you get to commit to with a level of conviction. That means that they actually get to be realised on the outside.

But level of conviction will mean that you can go against the grain of what is

and nurture and grow what could be. So learning how to transition into the reality of a goal in your nervous system first before you even think about actions. That is the skill set that I believe that I know will change the game for you. It comes from learning the skill set of fully processing your current experiences, feeling all of the emotions and sensations, believing your body, allowing and accepting everything it offers up as energy that needs to travel through you and be organised and made sense of allowing and embracing the insights it offers up that may be at odds with what is accepted and embraced in the world at large. Valuing attending to making them real and important and the basis for the truth that you embody and live by that you

To be where you're actually at in the body, you actually have, when you know how to do all of that, you then have the tools and skill set for generating an intended future reality, a goal.

So consider when you've had an idea, you've had an inspiration, it's been percolating and growing in you. And then suddenly it clarifies into a specific vision. And then you immediately take action, because you are already in the vision, you are already in the future of that thing being real. And then the actions just flow.

So that's what I'm talking about. That flow state comes from you having already processed that future reality to the degree that the actions then just flow.

So making that an intentional experience that you can generate is the skill set of creating intentional realities. This is the next level of The SOLA System. This is the second orbit. The first is processing where you're at. The second is generating

intentional realities, both of these you do with the instrument of your body mind, not out there in action.

unmasking, becoming yourself is not about what you were doing. When you focus on that, you create more disconnects. behaviourism is an outside lens, you want to come inside, and do it in your body. First, it's about who are you being Am I being in the experiences I'm actually having, and then to create new ones, is to experience them ahead of time in your body, with the thoughts and feelings that you would want to have about your future and intentional reality that you want to create, generating a feeling of that being true in your nervous system first.

So you create a result of self acceptance from others

in your own nervous system first, before you can experience it on the outside with others, you create the result of your big secret dream or your life goal in your nervous system in your model of reality first, before you take actions before the material follow suit.

So this is also why in The SOLA System programme, it's not

a process of attainment by doing the modules or being good executive function.

It's created by you experiencing a relational context in which self connection and your trust in your own body is the source of your own transformation. So you don't have to do it a right way. Because there isn't one. There's no external markers. Of Okay, now you're being yourself, because you are doing x y Zed, I never have anything that is from that angle, because I'm not in your life, and I'm not in your body. Instead, it's your body is the compass you are in the driving seat. And the goal that you are supported in is believing and learning the instrument of reality creation that use your own body.

You get there, because of the shift in who you're allowing yourself to be. You don't let get there because of a specific type of set of actions. The destination is in you, and your goals also in you.

And this is just the vehicle, right? This is just the supportive framework that allows you to focus on just doing that.

So when you decide to join, you're in fact committing to that result being already really in your future. So you're deciding to follow a process that is proven to work. And because you make that decision, your nervous system then adjusts to the reality, the possibility of that result. So you'll never feel ready before you decide. Because until you've decided and this goes for your goals, before you've decided you're still on the trajectory of your current reality. When you decide when you commit to that future reality being real, you change the trajectory to one that aligns with that, that result that reality. And then the material reality just takes time to catch up. But in that act of committing that initial adjustment, you're into that future reality being real, is you believing and committing and connecting with that future result being possible for you

and it is simply because you decided it is.

This is also what will I am does, right? He asks his future self for guidance, I saw this in an interview, this is accessing the wisdom of your body to exist in a quantum field of energy, which means that you can exist and access

all of infinite time can know things that your present self brain cannot know, because you've identified with your present reality. So learning how to let go of that, over identification with your current circumstances, learning how to attune your thinking, and generate the feeling of an identify with the future self of that goal being done is what activates it in the present.

It's an energy shift in your body, that energetic shift that processing that ahead of time, is what allows you to stay in self connection while you go about taking action.

So hopefully, I've given you a way of thinking about taking action and doing and goals that helps you and

at the core of it, it's really that you are pre processing.

I don't act unless I'm connected to the energy of the goal being done. And when I'm connected, it's not necessarily the most obvious right decision that comes to me.

But it's an instinct that proves correct.

And it's not necessarily a good feeling. Connecting with that future reality being done doesn't necessarily feel like confidence, or readiness or even comfortable.

But it does feel committed. And it does feel connected. And it is energising so me pausing on podcasting was down to me trying to move ahead into future reality without having first caught up with my present reality. So I had to pause, I had to do a lot of being worried at first processing and moving the energy of emotions, through my nervous system. And trusting that I'll be okay even while feeling these big, huge emotions.

And that they are temporary, that it's just a wave that washes through me a wave of energy washing through me, that it will eventually dissipate. And then it's only after I've cleared that energy of now that I can then use my body to generate the energy of generating what I'm intending to make real.

Being able to relate to your goals as an energetic

frequency, reality that you can connect with and attune yourself to in the now.

And hearing the actions that then occur to in that connection allows you to sidestep a lot of wasted energy on actions that are actually not going to lead you there. Or that are done without feeling connected to the result of being done.

It also makes things that you wouldn't or didn't believe that you could do enter the realm of possibility. It makes timetables shift, when you understand that energetic shifts in the body is how you transform your reality.

It makes goals something that you get to begin to embrace instead of a fear or resist or mistrust.

And it also means you get to generate that flow state and that interest.

So it's something that you can generate instead of just being subjected to the whims of distraction.

And that is also just completely changes everything. So the process of connecting and pre processing that future reality in your body. First, you're shifting your energetic state. That means you're working with your nervous system, you're bringing it along with you, instead of fighting with it to try and access a goal that feels external and action based and distant from where you're at.

Now there's another layer

if you can connect with another human while in connection to your goal and that he

Amen, is holding space and belief for that possibility, it becomes an amplification system for that future reality, that possibility. And the same is true for the being of being you. So if you can connect with another human while and they are holding space for who you actually are to yourself,

and for how you want to think about who you are,

then that too becomes an amplification system for the frequency of who you are being right, you get that reflected back. So when we think about goals, if you think about

an Olympic athlete, before, they're an Olympic athlete, and they're just an athlete, they'll have a desired intentional reality of winning, of being an Olympic athlete. And

the whole process of creating that reality is becoming that in their self concept first, right, so you identify, they identify themselves as someone who can do that, okay, so it's in the realm of possibility.

They connect with that,

and act on commitment to that possibility, without material proof.

So they, they commit to it, they believe it, they act as if it's already real, as if it's already done. And then the actions are just flowing from it that's following suit, then they enlist another person or coach, someone else to hold belief, and also help them see and reflect back. Where are they having unintentional thoughts and results. So what is that current reality that you are embodying that you're not actually aware of, so that you can attune it and refine it? They put themselves in environments and groups of people that share the purpose of taking action from the belief in the possibility of winning, and being an Olympic athlete.

And a coach will be someone who either has a track record for the results, so they've done it, and they can guide and reflect back, or they have a track record for supporting people to get the results. Either way, they have the lived experience and strategy to help you see where you are in your own way. And what is the

shifts in you that is going to mentally and emotionally help you get there.

So imagine having that amplification system for being yourself

or for materialising, the possibilities that are seated in you.

So imagine having someone else say yes, to who you are into who you becoming, that then acts like an incubator for

all of that to become more and more real for you to take up more and more space in your nervous system. That is a support system in which that future desired reality can already be experienced as real on a whole other level.

If someone else is saying, yes, that is true, yes, that is real. Yes, that is possible for you. It's so much easier to believe that in yourself and to make that commitment.

So being in an environment that is for you, believe in your body, believing in what's possible for you. That is the how that is everything.

So I want to encourage you to go and find

and collect up and identify all of the things around you that are a yes to who you're being and who you're becoming.

Which may only be these vague hunches and nudges and instincts right now. But the more and more you commit, the more and more you act in that commitment, the stronger and more real they become.

For me, I have

decided committed to 100 siblings travelling through The SOLA System, all coming back to themselves all creating intentional realities all making their lives fit who they are and who they want to be. All activating.

The gifts, the insights that their lived experiences and their body minds offer up there by shifting the culture. That result is that future reality is one that I am pre processing and practising in my nervous system.

One day, I will make it 900. But that feels too big a leap right now to my nervous system. So that takes me into complete disbelief. So, I found a possibility, that feel that I can connect with to a degree that I can access belief in it to the amount that I can commit to it, and begin to experience it in my nervous system. My brain doesn't fully believe it. But I'm pre processing it. And that possibility of 100 siblings, all

increasing the level of energy and self defined visibility and agency that they have.

And coming into themselves in that new way.

Gives me a lot of feelings, a lot of strong feelings that are


and uncomfortable,

but also energising and life giving. And

I'm in the energy of getting ready for that of preparing for that I'm widening the capacity in my nervous system, for that to be a reality. And for me becoming the person who

has created that

in the world.

And when I connect with that, it means that I'm making choices

that come from that energy, and I'm acting from conviction that that could be possible. And when I show up like that,


and that is the predominant energy that I'm embodying and beaming out,

then it also means that those for whom that is a reality that is also one that they desire to be true,

can resonate and correspond with, and we then attract each other. And this is how we co create new realities.

Okay, so to recap, when you are generating the thoughts and feelings, the energetic frequencies, the model of reality, how that would feel for the goal to be done, and who you would be when you're generating that in your body.

That is a commitment that creates flow state in your actions, your intuition for how comes online, because you have a direct inner connection to the energy of that future reality. I really think this is the secret to the universe. When goals are conceived and believed in the body is when you realise them, when your goals of Self Realisation are at odds with other people's plan for you. When you're taught out of believing that possibility, and believing your body, when you're taught out of taking up the full bandwidth of generating that in your body, then that is the unlearning that has to come first.

So when I talk about activating emergent possibilities, all of this is really what I'm talking about. It's not disbelieving, and gaslighting, or any experiences, it's learning your own instrument that is your body. And first to be where you're at.

And then to be where you are becoming. And that both of those things keep happening in a cyclical way. Along the way, as you go about moving towards your goal, and taking actions from that connection to it being real. You will also need to process where you're at along the way. You will also experience emotions and sensations and fears and doubts and thoughts and need to process them along the way.

Think of a leader, someone who created real systemic change in history.

See how they must have had to experience and believe that future reality

And to the degree to the level of conviction that when they communicated it, that others felt it and could also enter into that level of conviction for a two. So this is how we change things. This is how we shift culture. This is how we shift timetables, this is how you maximise on the agency that you have, just from your body mind to create something that you want to create.

Not only that,

but I would offer that your

natural ways of perceiving and sensing are also energetically oriented. And we'll get into this in the next episode.

And so being attuned to energy is a skill set that specifically makes this reality creation in the body and ability that you're not just here to utilise. But you're also here to teach. You're also here to

do for community to do for others. So if you think about musicians, or shamans, or artists, or people who are able to

shift the energy shift the reality that people are able to access,

I would offer that you are someone who has a natural ability to sense and also shape energy.

And that using that towards your goals gives you this inner divination system for what to do that you've been taught out of that. And activating that is the revolution itself. That invite you into.

Alright, I'm going to finish it there. Thank you for listening. Let me know your thoughts in the discord. What questions do you have? What resonated? What do you want to challenge? And did this help you and I will talk to you next week. Bye.





is for #autistic-status visionaries, creatives and change-makers, who are seeking a more empowering way to see, know and be yourself.